I have a condition called Windshield Identification Blindness which means, for some reason, I not only can’t identify drivers through their windshields, I can’t tell if they’re motioning me to move forward or giving me the finger. This leads to awkward social situations where I wave at people I don’t know or sit in my car doing nothing while someone is waving me on.
Yesterday, I was pulling out of my driveway and a car coming up the street just stopped. Right in the middle of the road. Even though I had not even gotten to the end of my driveway. Because of my windshield blindness, I couldn’t figure out what the driver was doing and I couldn’t see if he or she (gender blindness too, apparently) was motioning me to continue out of my driveway or just busy checking text messages.
So, we both just sat there. And waited.
Finally, I decided that the driver wanted me to continue pulling out even though he or she had the right of way, according to the rules I learned in Driver’s Ed, and should have continued up the street instead of stopping for me. After I pulled out, the other car followed me. So, clearly, he or she was not checking text messages but had stopped for me to pull out of my driveway.
For the rest of my trip, I complained to my wife about “idiot drivers who don’t know the rules of the road.”
Had I remembered the lesson I learned earlier that day, I would have taken a different stance on the whole stopping-in-the-middle-of-the-road ordeal.
You see, a man in my church spoke about a situation in his life a few years ago when his son was arrested on murder charges. The trial took over two years to conclude and the charges were eventually dropped. However, it took a devastating toll on the entire family. Yet, I never knew what he was going through. And had I encountered him during this time, I would have assumed that everything was just fine.
How often do we jump to an incorrect conclusion about someone else because we have not taken the time to better understand them and their situation?
My faith teaches me to treat others with love and without judgement. And yet, stop in the middle of the street and I will judge you. Give me poor customer service and I will judge you. Critique my humor and I will definitely judge you.
We never know what’s going on in someone else’s life. But when we take the time to understand, we often see the person differently. When we see the person differently, we treat them differently. Now that I think about it, the person in my neighborhood was probably just trying to be nice. Imagine that.
It only takes a minute to understand. And a minute of understanding is much better than even a few seconds of judgement.
Guess what the cover story of USA Today was on Valentine’s Day, 2012?
Chocolate vs. jewelry? No.
The appropriateness of lingerie gifts? No.
Where to dine on Valentine’s Day? No.
Greatest love stories ever? No.
It was about online extramarital affairs.
Really.
I’m a fan of USA Today because they use short words and I don’t have to read multiple pages on any particular story. I like to read highlights. Just like I do at the doctor’s office. But, I’m disappointed that of all the potential news stories on Valentine’s Day, USA Today chose to focus on the unscrupulous practice of luring people away from their committed relationships through online cheating services.
I’m going out on a limb with this one but I suspect there were some other options.
I just wonder what would happen if news agencies made a concerted effort to focus on an equal number of positive articles to negative ones. Last time I checked, a typical newspaper prints roughly 30 negative articles for every positive one.
Unfortunately, negativity sells. And we are the ones paying for it.
Now, I realize that this blog is defying the very point that I’m making. I’m using a negative story to sell positivity. I guess you could say that I’m trying to sell lemonade with lemons and maybe that’s just as bad. But then again, maybe you didn’t noticed the negative focus until I pointed it out. If we’re all more aware of what we’re reading, we can be more discerning.
Bottom line, I’d like to see more uplifting stories that inspire us to be better people. I don’t really need to be reminded of how bad I can be. I’m pretty good at that on my own!
I’m a big fan of Bob Newhart. A friend recommended this Bob Newhart video from Mad TV. The funny thing about this video, other than it’s a funny video, is that it’s also incredibly insightful.
How often do we get ourselves into predicaments because we do things that are not helpful to us? What if we tried to decomplicate (new word) our lives by simply stopping the things that are not good for us? As a former therapist, I realize this is easier said than done. Or is it?
For instance, I have a strongly held belief that I can’t resist desserts when they are offered to me freely. I can, however, resist them much easier when they’re offered for a charge. I attribute this weakness to a complicated addictive tendency that can be traced back to the good feelings I get in the pleasure center of my brain when I eat a delicious dessert. These good feelings mask any negative feelings I might have at the time. Therefore, when I’m offered the dessert, instead of saying “No, thank you,” it feels much better to say, “Oh, absolutely. Could I have two?”
I could spend a lot of time analyzing this issue, with the help of a counselor, trying to understand the origin of my addiction but in the big scheme of things, I would probably be better served if I simply stopped eating every dessert that’s put in front of me. Because, in all honesty, as one of the most self aware people you’ll ever meet, I know that just because I understand the basis for my behavior, I don’t necessarily change it.
How about you?
Where do you need to just stop it? Is it a bad relationship? Is it procrastination? Is it an addictive tendency that’s spiraling out of control?
The great thing about stopping our unhelpful habits is that we find new ways to get the same satisfaction we thought we were getting by hanging onto to the old ones. The problem is, we don’t realize this until we look back later and have the benefit of 20/20 hindsight.
Essentially, our wellbeing is contingent upon doing things that are good for us more often than doing things that are bad for us. So, take an inventory and figure out what you need to stop.
So, what is it about the shower that brings out the best in me?I’m not suggesting that my naked body is the best in me. I’m talking about the way my mind works when I’m in the shower. There’s something magical that allows great ideas to flow as freely as the water. In fact, that’s where I got the idea for this blog. See? Both magical and brilliant.
I do know that our brains are freed to be creative when we focus on something else. For instance, when we’re driving, we focus one part of our mind on the road thus allowing another part of our mind to relax and think of other things. It’s as if we’re in a meditative state without all the clutter and self doubt that usually occupies our thoughts. I suspect the same is true when we’re in the shower since we’re focused on lathering and rinsing rather than on whether we’re lathering and rinsing correctly.
I also know that the sound of water is therapeutic. Similar to white noise, the sound of water blocks out other distracting or disturbing sounds such as traffic, whiney complainers, and loud children.
The sensation of hot water hitting our body also has a relaxing effect. I could stand for hours under a hot shower – if it wasn’t for the wrinkling.
But there is something else. Psychologically, we can’t get much more vulnerable than in the shower. Look no further than the movie Psycho to understand both the physical and psychological vulnerability of standing naked behind a shower curtain.
Perhaps it’s this combination of the soothing sound, the warm stimulation, and the metaphorical shedding of those things that hinder us that allows our mind to freely imagine the possibilities of new ideas.
This morning, while showering, I had several incredible ideas. I was so charged up, I forgot to rinse the shampoo from the traces of hair left on my head.
But then, once I got dressed and sat down at my desk to consider the implementation of my fantastic brilliance, I heard another noise and experienced a different sensation. It was the sound of my ego saying that I’m not good enough and that the implementation is too much work. It was as if someone had flushed and the water pressure in my shower disappeared. The exhilaration from a few minutes earlier was gone.
I realized that the shower may not be where we’re most vulnerable after all. It’s when we step out of the shower and then, fully dressed, we pursue our brilliant ideas and our outrageous dreams. Because when we step out, we hear that we can’t do it. We feel the steady stream of negativity. And that’s when we need block out the disturbing and distracting sounds that are all around us and step back into the warm comforting shower of encouragement.
Doing things well means not giving in to the limitations set by others. So when it comes to pursuing excellence, lather yourself with the sound of possibility instead. Then, rinse and repeat.
In the February 2012 edition of Inc. Magazine, I read an article about clothing company Holstee’s unique mission statement. Co-founder Fabian Pfortmüller said that they realized that their business was not only about the product or service they deliver but at the end of the day, it was also about the lifestyle they created. As a result, their mission statement reads more like a personal life mission than a business development plan.
I’m not a great businessman. Don’t get me wrong, I love having my own business. But for me, I value the independence and flexibility that comes with solo entrepreneurship than the prospect of building a million dollar enterprise. In fact, about one quarter of my time is spent in volunteer service because I believe in the value of service. My volunteer work does not generate revenue in dollars but it certainly generates satisfaction revenue and that’s part of the lifestyle bonus that I get by owning my own business.
Holstee’s mission statement is so congruent with my own perspective on business and life, I ordered a copy suitable for framing. It’s compelling and I recommend you not only read it, but that you seriously consider how the message applies to your own life and work.
Take a look at the video below to see Holstee’s Manifesto depicted through words, music, and images. And if you’d like to get your own copy, suitable for framing, go here: Holstee Manifesto
Recently, the University of Virginia’s Law School announced that one of it’s classes was responsible for excluding a man of a 1978 rape on the basis of DNA evidence. This unique program called the Innocence Project Clinic allows students to evaluate the evidence against three people who were convicted of a crime but may be innocent.
Dierdre Enright, the Clinic’s director, says that this is a dream class for law students because it not only has a practical application but involves research into topical legal issues as well. The students get to see what happens when the legal system doesn’t work and then they have the opportunity to make it right.
This is the essence of Do it Well, Make it Fun in higher education. Not only are these students getting in-depth legal training, the process is more enjoyable because it’s real. And in a situation when the are able to reverse a decision for someone who has been wrongly convicted, it is quite rewarding as well.
Last week, in the same publication (The Week), I read about three people who each overcame serous obstacles to accomplish something significant. This is important for all of us who can get tripped up by the simplest of things.
1. A homeless 18-year-old became a national science contest semifinalist.
2. A British woman became the first person to ski across Antarctica without the help o kites, machines, or dogs.
3. A woman born with no arms will be an official masseuse for the British Paralympics team.
In our house, we have a running joke that Paula Deen would add butter to butter just to make it more buttery. As a southerner, I am intimately familiar with the recipes that she demonstrates on her show and will admit that I could definitely enjoy a diet of nothing but her meals, at least until my heart exploded.
So, I was not completely surprised when I learned that she had been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. What surprised me was that she was diagnosed three years ago and continued to cook the same type of sweet and fattening meals that she is known for. As a side note, experts believe that weight gain is a contributing factor to her form of diabetes. So, through her show, she was essentially promoting a style of eating that contributed to the disease she acquired.
Here’s my question: Should Paula have changed her cooking methods when she was diagnosed as a way of being more congruent with who she was, or should she have kept cooking at the same deep fried level as before?
I don’t want to play armchair quarterback but I do believe in authenticity and congruence. I hate to find out that someone I admire isn’t who I think they are. I want my leaders to be ethical. I want my sales people to have experience with the product they’re selling. And I want my chefs to eat what they cook.
A friend of mine worked in Washington, DC and one day when he was leaving his office, he saw a panhandler, who he assumed was homeless, pack up his belongings and drive off in a brand new car that had been parked in an adjacent parking garage. Now, I don’t know the whole story here but if I had given money to this person, I would have questioned whether he actually needed it or whether his panhandling was part of an elaborate scam.
I tend to think that Paula Deen should take her diabetes seriously and take a stand for healthy eating. But then again, maybe she was afraid that she would lose her success or even her platform if she changed the way she cooked.
What do you think? Should there be congruence between what we do and who we are? Or can we act one way at the office and another at home?
The challenge for people who work, or people like me who, when I’m not on the road, sit at a desk and pretend to work, is balancing the other responsibilities in our lives that also need attention. Forget all that goes with having children, just preparing a healthy meal in the evenings is enough to throw my schedule off by a couple of hours.
I don’t subscribe to frozen dinners, pre-made main courses, or take-out unless there is no other alternative. I love a Marie Callender’s Chicken Pot Pie as much as the next guy but it’s not the healthy choice for our regular dinner routine. So, as the cook in my family, I’m always looking for a good meal that’s easy to prepare.
Enter the Crock Pot.
Oh, I was familiar with this marvel of modern culinary tools but I had always associated it with soupy, mushy, everything-tastes-the-same meals. I remember when my mom got one and proudly announced, “you turn it on in the morning and don’t worry about it until dinner.”
Until recently, I discounted it as a method that I, an amateur chef, would seriously consider. Our crock pot lived in the back of the cabinet and was never used for our nightly meals. But alas, I have changed my tune, or my menu as it were.
Last week, I tried two recipes in the Crock Pot. Seafood Paella and Coq au Vin. For each, there was minimal preparation and a full day of slow cooking which filled the house will wonderful aromas. The Seafood Paella was the first meal. It tasted like shrimp and scallop oatmeal. It was dreadful. The only thing worse than the texture was the smell. The Coq au Vin, on the other hand, was quite good. I was cautiously optimistic.
Suffice it to say that my OCD-ness leads me to overindulge whenever I find something I like. If I discover a new cereal, I’ll eat it every day for a year until I can’t stand it any longer. If I find a new restaurant, I’ll drag the family there weekly until we know the wait staff by name. And so it is with the Crock Pot. This week, I have prepared three meals in the slow cooker and all three were a success. Spicy Pot Roast, Chicken Cacciatore, and Red Beans and Rice. All tasty. And not too mushy. I’m becoming a big fan. In fact, I envision a sequel to this blog called Harry Crock Potter and the Prisoner of the Kitchen.
But the key is that it’s been good and fun. See where I’m going with this?
I don’t want to create unhealthy or tasteless meals for my family. But when the Crock Pot works, it’s not only a meal done well, makes my life easier and that, my friends, is more fun.
If you think this is a crock, you may be right. But just like my meals these days, let it simmer for a while and you may come around.
During last night’s State of the Union speech, President Obama told a very bad joke. Personally, I like very bad jokes but I am always prepared with a recovery line if my audience agrees that it’s a very bad joke. Here’s Obama’s line:
“I’ve ordered every federal agency to eliminate rules that don’t make sense. … We got rid of one rule from 40 years ago that could have forced some dairy farmers to spend $10,000 a year proving that they could contain a spill — because milk was somehow classified as an oil. With a rule like that, I guess it was worth crying over spilled milk.”
OK, not great. But, better than if he had not used any humor.
I’m a fan of bad jokes used on very rare occasions. Mainly because we all love to groan at a bad joke. Even famous comedians use them. The key to a successful bad joke is to be funny after it bombs. We call that a saver line.
Once, Johnny Carson told a joke about the Lincoln assassination. The audience didn’t laugh. So, Johnny turned to Ed McMahon and said, “Still too soon.”
The audience roared.
Bad jokes are not inherently bad unless you use them too much or you don’t prepare for the fallout. I’d much rather see the President use a joke that bombs rather than not use one at all. But, what I’d really like to see is the President using a great saver line. In other words, if he had justmilked his failure a little bit, it might have worked out better!
So, even when it comes to Make it Fun, you should Do it Well.
I have a condition called Windshield Identification Blindness which means, for some reason, I not only can’t identify drivers through their windshields, I can’t tell if they’re motioning me to move forward or giving me the finger. This leads to awkward social situations where I wave at people I don’t know or sit in my car doing nothing while someone is waving me on.
