Humor Injections: A Humor and Healthcare Blog

Archive for hospice

Sometimes We Forget the Importance of Humor

1 Sep, 2010  No Comment

I had polio when I was 4 1/2 months old…back in 1952. Obviously before the vaccine.  As much as I’d love to make this all about me, it isn’t! It’s about a friend of mine, Roger Anderson. Roger and I met in 1980 when I started playing wheelchair basketball with the local team, the Eugene Lowriders (most of the other teams called us “Lowlifers”, but that’s another story). Anyway, Roger and I, along with all the other teammates, became good friends. But as the years have gone by, we’ve lost many of them, including Roger. About 10 years ago Roger developed a brain tumor and after several months of fighting it, he died. It was a sad day for all of us, but like you wrote about in Humor Me, we were able to find some joy at Roger’s celebration of life.

During the service, those who wanted to would get up in front of the congregation at his church and speak about Roger. And all the stories were pretty much the same…Roger was a nice guy, whom everyone liked, and he helped the kids with their chairs, and if you needed anything Roger was always there…blah, blah, blah. Now, I don’t mean to by cynical, but the Roger I knew would have barfed if he’d been there! (Actually, there was something sticky on the drivers seat when I got back to the car, but I never was able to prove anything!) The Roger I knew was funny; from his hair, which was always in place, right down to the aftershave he never was without, including before he hit the court on game day! But the story that really shows Roger was one I heard about two weeks before his death.

When Roger was a child (4 or 5) and living in North Dakota, he and his brothers were playing with a bucket and gas trying to blow up stuff. A practice that is common among most rural males…my apologies if you’re a rural male! Anyway, there was an accident and Roger was burned over 80% of his body. As the years went on, he lost both his legs and had to have several surgeries. Now, fast forward to two weeks before his death. One of our friends, Loran Cushing, went to see Roger in the hospital and during this conversation, Roger mentioned that when he dies he hoped they cremated him so he can finish the job he started all those years ago! Ahhhhhh! A Rogerism if I ever heard one!

So in the midst of this tribute (at the funeral) to Roger’s “helpfulness” to friends and family, I got up and related this story to the 100+ people there. When I hit the punch line, all I heard was silence. I stood there a few seconds, although it seemed like a few hours, then the laughter started to build. It was as if people wanted to laugh but were afraid to, but it just got too funny for them to ignore. It still brings tears to my eyes to relate it all these years later.

After the service his sister, Joyce, sought me out and gave me a huge hug and thanked me for telling the story. “No one seemed to understand Roger,” she said, “until you told that story. Now everyone is talking about Roger’s sense of humor and how he always made us laugh! Thank you!”

After reading your chapter in this book, it made me realize that I hadn’t thought of Roger and the great times we had over the years for a long time. It also made me realize that I haven’t brought enough humor into my life recently as I’ve been feeling a bit sorry for myself since I’ve started to feel the effect of post-polio syndrome. The other article that has inspired me is the one by Michael Aronin, the guy with CP. I’ve actually seen him once a long time ago and envied him for his humor. I’ve always used humor to combat my situation, but never had the courage to do anything about it. With yours and Michael’s help, I’m moving in that direction.

Thanks Jim.  – Ron

Let Us Find Balance Through Our Humor

1 Jun, 2010  No Comment

My son spent Memorial Day remembering his Anterior Cruciate Ligament (ACL) that died in the line of duty a few weeks earlier.  He tore his ACL during a lacrosse game and had surgery four days ago to repair it.  Luckily, the surgery went well and he’s doing just fine.

I wrote the opening line to this blog in my head as I was pondering my Facebook update on Memorial Day.  I thought it was both funny and timely.  But then, I decided not to write it because I didn’t want to spend the rest of my holiday answering angry comments like “Are you a communist?” or “Why would you make fun of such a serious day of remembrance?”

Perhaps I overreacted.  Maybe all my Facebook friends would see it as tongue-in-cheek and not an insult to the valor of fallen veterans.  But then again, maybe not.  As a conference organizer, I was once criticized for using a rocked-out guitar solo of the Star Spangled Banner to open the conference because it was “insulting to veterans.”  The theme of the conference was Rock and Roll, so I thought it made perfect sense to blend our patriotism with the theme in an entertaining way.  But others did not see it that way.

My father and my uncle served in the Pacific in World War II.  My brother spent six years in the Navy doing tours on a  nuclear submarine.  During graduate school, I worked at Ft. Belvoir Army Medical Center counseling retired military personnel and families.  I deeply respect the military.  So, does that mean there is no place for humor when it comes to something as serious as Memorial Day?  It makes me wonder.

When I worked in hospice care, respect was woven into the fabric of everything we did.  The dignity of the patient and family was critical to the success of our care.  And yet, we laughed at the absurdities of life and the incongruity of death.  Let’s be honest.  It was funny when a priest thought that a patient was moaning in pain when she was actually on the bedpan.  It was funny when a patient told me she had been “dying to see” our inpatient facility.  And it was hilarious when a patient referred to Sister Catherine, a nurse, as “Attila the Nun.”  Both the staff and the patients could appreciate the humor in these situations.

But there were those who could not laugh.  The magnitude of their circumstances was so overwhelming, the best they could do was be serious – all the time.

I can respect the fact that some people are serious by nature and that some people take the world very seriously.  But I suggest that if we can view our circumstances with a bit more objectivity and not have so much of our personal identity wrapped up in what we do, we would have the ability to see the world in all it’s many colors rather than in black and white.  Every situation has the potential for joy and tragedy.  It’s a balance.  It’s not all or nothing.

Just like Memorial Day, healthcare is full of seriousness.  Let us remember to always respect those with whom we work but let’s also not get so caught up in the seriousness of what we do that we fail to grasp the joy and humor that is part of life…and death.

Ron

Nursing Homes. Have a Little Fun, Won’t You?

28 Jan, 2010  1 Comment

A report appeared in today’s paper stating that one-fifth of the nursing homes in the country get poor ratings.  As the population gets older, nursing homes will be the final leg of the journey for many more Americans down the road.

So, here’s the deal.  Because of the low pay and less-than-optimal working conditions in many nursing homes, the facilities will continue to get poor ratings until the directors and owners wake up to the reality of how they attract and keep good staff.  Basically, there are two ways.

One, pay them a lot of money.  It will never happen so let’s move on to the way two.

Two, create an environment where people want to work.  It’s that simple.  Be a desirable employer.

When I was a Manager of Counseling Services at Hospice of Northern Virginia, I could not pay my employees what they were worth – nor what apparently the nurses were worth.  It was the nature of the beast.  So, I had to supplement the salary by creating a workplace where employees felt valued and supported.

I did this through recognition, supervisory counseling, and by creating the most fun department in our hospice.  Even though time flies whether you’re having fun or not, time definitely flies when you ARE having fun.  By making meetings more fun, birthdays more fun, and generally trying to create a light atmospere amongst the heaviness of hospice, I believe we had a department where people wanted to work.

The result?  We attracted and kept good people.

So, to my colleagues in the world of nursing homes, assisted living, and residential care, please try to understand that you will probably never attract good employees with money but you could attract them with fun-ny.

Ron

Proof that Monday’s Suck

19 Jan, 2010  No Comment

OK, I realize that healthcare does not operate on a Monday through Friday schedule.  Many of the administrative folks might but for everybody else, the “work week” is arbitrary.  But based on a recent article in USA Today, it turns out that most people are happier on the weekends.  Well, duh.  But, the reasons why we’re happier have serious implications for how we can operate the rest of the week.

The article (Click Here) reported the results of a study in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology.  Basically, we’re happier on the weekends because we have more autonomy and we’re more connected to the people around us (family, friends, etc.).

So, what’s the lesson for the work environment?  To make people happier at work, we need to give them more autonomy and create opportunities for relating better with colleagues.  This is where humor comes in.  Humor is a great tool for bringing people together.  Gathering a group of people in a conference room over lunch to discuss their most embarrassing moment creates connection and relatedness.  It also creates lots-o-laughter.

See if you can make every day a weekend by adding a little humor!

Ron

Remembering Roz

5 Jan, 2010  No Comment

My friend and colleague Roz Trieber died on New Year’s Eve after a brave battle with cancer.  She was featured in my June 2009 newsletter:  The Wizard of Roz

At her funeral, the rabbi said that Roz chose to “live into” this final journey of life and death.  I think that’s a beautiful admonition to all of us.  We should choose to “live into” every moment of our life whether that moment is full of joy or filled with challenge.

Roz hoped that her message of humor and hope, especially in the midst of cancer, would be spread around the world.

Here are links to her website Cancer Rocks and to her book Cancer and The Healing Power of Play. If you feel so moved, please spread the word about Roz’s work.

She was a gift to us all.

Ron

Death by Chocolate

15 Dec, 2009  No Comment

Last week, I had the privilege of working with VITAS Innovative Hospice Care in Houston.  They brought me and my presentation “Celebrating the HA-lidays Every Day” in as a festive gift to their staff and then extended an invitation to my presentations to some of the local healthcare organizations.  It was a great day.

One of the sponsors for this event was Dignity Memorial.  I was very appreciative not only that they sponsored my presentations but that they gave away, as one of their promotional gifts, gold-covered chocolate coffins.  Talk about death by chocolate!

Now that’s funny.

Ron

John Jay Daly Used First Class Humor

3 Sep, 2009  No Comment

On Tuesday, September 1, I attended the funeral of friend and colleague, John Jay Daly.  I knew John as a professional speaker who founded the DC chapter of the National Speakers Association.  I was president of that chapter in 2002-2003 and was privileged to receive it’s highest honor, the John Jay Daly Founder’s Award in 2007.

As a humorist, I always appreciated John’s quick, albeit corny, humor.  He never hesitated to shout a funny line from the back of the room – even during someone’s presentation.  He was also a fanatic about language and would correct your misuse without hesitation.  And he loved history, especially the history of Washington, DC, having lived his entire 80 years with 1 mile of his Chevy Chase, MD birthplace only a few blocks from the DC border.

John was Catholic so I found myself lost during many of the ritual responses, kneelings, and crossings at the funeral.  However, as a Presbyterian, I was comforted by much of the same language found in the  readings, prayers, and hymns.  Even though we’re on different teams, we all play for the same coach.  And regardless of the denomination, I am always comforted by being in a church to celebrate life, death, and our faith.

What struck me most about John’s service though was the overabundance of humor.  Except for the structured Catholic rituals, almost every speaker, including the priest, told story after story of the funny side of John’s life.  I thought I’d share a few to give you a taste of this extraordinary man.

  • John was a lover of words.  So much so that he placed a dictionary in every room of his house and kept several in the trunk of his car in case someone needed one.  And according to one family member, “Everyone needed one!”
  • John had eight children.  He would always say, “They are all girls except for the four boys.”
  • Recently, while boarding a city bus with his granddaughter (as related by her), John asked the bus driver if he knew whose picture was on the two-dollar bill.  The driver didn’t know.  So, John gave him several hints.  The driver still didn’t know.  So, John turned to the other passengers on the bus.  No one knew.  He then turned to his granddaughter who said, “Thomas Jefferson.”  John beamed with pride and then took his seat on the bus.  Ironically, his granddaughter told this story not out of embarrassment but with a sense of pride as well.

This is who John Daly was.  A wonderful man, a great husband, a loving father, and a committed grandfather.  It was an honor to know him and to call him a friend and colleague.

One of John’s favorite “pieces” was a postal prayer written by Most Reverend Raymond J. Boland, Catholic Biship-Emeritus and delivered at a national postal conference.  The prayer was used to close John’s funeral.  I’ll include it here as a tribute to John.

May everything we do be first class.  Provide special handling for those of us who are fragile…and keep us in one piece.  We have been signed, sealed, stamped and delivered in your image and likeness…and we beg you to keep us in your care as we go about our appointed rounds.  And, when our days draw to a close and we are marked ‘return to sender’ please greet us at Heaven’s door so that no one may ever say ‘undeliverable at this address.’

John was first class.

Ron

Cancer and the Healing Power of Play

27 Apr, 2009  2 Comments

On Friday, I visited a friend of mine, Roz Trieber.  Roz has been teaching people, whether intentionally or by the way she lives, about the benefits of humor for most of her life.  A couple of years ago, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  She got through that ordeal only to have a recurrence a few months ago.  Roz is now receiving hospice care but her health challenges have not dampened her spirits one bit.

Roz told me that the hospice nurse had offered to arrange a visit from a rabbi.  Roz told the nurse that she’d already had a visit from her rabbi but would like a visit from a Christian chaplain.  I asked her why she wanted to see both.  She said, “I’d just like to hear another perspective!”  So, she saw the chaplain and found it quite interesting. As I was leaving, the day of my visit, yet another rabbi was arriving.  I think she’s just covering her bases.

It’s that kind of attitude that makes Roz a delightful person who is very good at both her work and her life.  She would rather get caught up in the fun than in the pain.

Last year, after her first battle with pancreatic cancer, Roz co-authored a book called Cancer and the Healing Power of Play.  It’s a wonderful book designed to help patients and caregivers to lighten up the heavy burden of cancer and illness.  Roz’s co-author, Izzy Gesell, is an expert in improv and play.  Together, they have brought the world a wonderful resource.

As my visit with Roz was winding down, she said to me, “Now, how can I help you succeed?”  I was floored.  Here was a woman battling a very serious illness and she wondered what she could do for me.  Little did she know that by allowing me to visit and to be part of her life, she had already done more than enough.

If you’d like to find out more about the book and the authors, click the following links:

Cancer and the Healing Power of Play
Roz Trieber’s Website
Izzy Gesell’s Website

Ron